Daily - The Austin Chronicle (2024)

I know, I know … you're stuck in the Dirty South. And feelin' the need for some quick, er, stress relief. But it's all over the news, take it from Atlanta: Don't F-bomb in the bathroom.

True. Plainclothes airport police, at least at this one major hub, have nothing better to do than patrol for gay-on-gay layovering in the water closets of big city airports, a cruising spot as old as the Wright Brothers. Don't believe us? Take it from Craigslist.

Sheryl Crow wants us to use “only one square per restroom visit” of toilet paper when we use the toilet. By “we,” I take it she means women since the only man I know who blots his weenie after peeing is David Beckham.

La Crow admits that there are “those pesky occasions where two to three could be required.” Two or three? What do you eat, Sheryl? Iams and Science Diet? As long as you’re citing exceptions, what about explosive diarrhea? Must we requisition extra? And what if you wipe and then have to go again, Sheryl? How about a long, snotty sneeze in the vicinity of the bathroom? What’s the allocation there?

I’m a little surprised that she took off after toilet paper. She mentioned paper napkins, which seems a much more reasonable place to start, since they don’t actively involve personal hygiene. The downside to using cloth napkins is that they must be washed. Washing usually involves soap, water usage, and electricity, but maybe that’s the fair trade. Clean napkins are as much a necessity to the restaurant industry as they are to household eating. She didn’t even mention disposable diapers.

TODAY'S EVENTS

Austin Vogue Nights at Swan Dive

Austin Cantorum at Cloud Tree

MUSIC | MOVIES | ARTS | COMMUNITY

For the past couple of years, the Old Settler’s Music Festival seemed to wobble on its last legs, both creatively and in terms of attendance. This past weekend, however, it showed great signs of life with respectable crowds; a full, lively campground; and some inspired bookings that proved it’s more than just another (dreaded) bluegrass festival.

The vibe at Camp Ben McCulloch on Thursday night was as pleasant as an Austin music event could be with smiles all around and everyone kicking off their shoes for dancing and hula hoops. Slaid Cleaves cleared the air as to how a singer-songwriter goes about entertaining an audience. Backed by a trio that included striking fiddler Eleanor Whitmore, Cleaves laid down a set of country and folk, fast-paced yet touching and peppered with the occasional yodel. Baton Rouge, La.’s Red Stick Ramblers followed with a plate of swing, blues, and Cajun that had nearly everyone shaking their moneymaker. They’ve had some personnel changes over the years, which has unfortunately led the quintet to lean a little heavy on the swing and away from their Louisiana roots, but there were no complaints from the crowd, which was obviously geared up for a energetic weekend.

From the Secretary of State's office:

Secretary Williams to Present Voting Award

AUSTIN – Texas Secretary of State Roger Williams will present the Stephen F. Austin Champions of the Republic Award to Travis County for the highest voter turnout in last November’s election.

Two bills that would require presentation of a photo ID to vote come before the House today: House Bill 218 and HB 626. Supporters say these laws are needed to prevent voter fraud. Critics say the "Voter ID" bills would be better called "Voter Roadblock" bills and are solutions in search of a problem. Groups such as the League of Women Voters and People for the American Way say that voter fraud is more rare than people getting hit by lightning and that what the bills would really prevent is voting by the poor, elderly, and minorities – groups that are all less likely to possess a form of photo identification. Check back with Chronic throughout the day for updates.

Follow this link for an analysis of the bills by the True Courage Action Network.

CLARIFICATION: The difference between these two bills: HB 218 requires a would-be voter to present photo ID at the time of voting; HB 626 would require a photo ID for voter registration. Of course, the latter requires the elimination of registration by those handy postcards you see everywhere and replaces it with business reply mail.

UPDATE: This bill is being updated now (1:30pm Monday). You can watch the debate live here.

Some new players helped the Wranglers improve their losing season Saturday in an overtime upset of the New Orleans VooDoo.

Increasingly impressive FB Chad Dukes scored on the first drive on a goal-line plow set up by the still-inconsistent QB Adrian McPherson’s 25-yard broken-play dash.

The Wrangler defense then stopped the VooDoo from crossing the goal line at close range four plays in a row. And McPherson put the McPher(fear) in New Orleans (I spent most of the rest of the game coming up with that one) by leading the offense from end to end, putting the Wranglers up 14-0 with a touchdown throw to WR Kevin Nickerson, a lead they kept for the rest of the quarter, and for 15 minutes the Wranglers looked more like a team bound for the Arena Bowl than a 2-5 underachiever.

The second quarter went not so well when the VooDoo found where the Erwin Center’s end zone is located, and the Wranglers’ offense went limp and answered with a field goal. The ensuing kickoff was run back by the apparently slippery and unfortunately named Jacques Rumph (probably chosen by his parents solely for the “Boy Named Sue” toughness-increasing factor). A safety and another freaking touchdown pass brought the VooDoo ahead, 22-17. McPherson, apparently unconcerned with my calling him inconsistent, then hit the according-to-the-Wrangler’s-press-release “stud receiver” Derrick Lewis for a touchdown.

The score remained unchanged during halftime when not much happened really, football-wise.

It was inevitable that, in the quest to fix the horrors of the Texas Youth Commission, the Legislature wasn't going to have time to take up every bill that it had on the books. It seems that two bills intended to give other victims of sexual abuse a certain degree of redress have fallen through the cracks.

Senate Bill 97 in the Senate and its House partner bill House Bill 204 remove the statute on limitations on felony sexual assault, felony aggravated sexual assault, and felony indecency with a child. At the moment, no charges relating to abuse of a child can be brought more than 10 years after their 18th birthday, while the other two charges expire after five years.

Nothing substantive has happened with SB 97 since it got referred to the Senate on Jan. 23, while the House bill has languished since getting to Criminal Jurisprudence seven days later.